After six months of being in the most amazing state of mind; one where I knew for certain my life’s purpose, I started to question what was the point of stepping out of the world I knew into this new one outside of the traditional employment grid. I found I was comparing myself to other people and their success, and it was making me a little unhappy and very lazy. For awhile there Netflix and I were as thick as thieves. On any given day, at any given time you could find me on the couch eating ice cream; dishes and in a small mountain below my head trying to forget I had things to do by binge watching cheesy African romantic comedies, the whole time in the back of my head comparing myself to people who have been in business for 10, 15, 20 years to my two. And the more I compared the more I found myself spiraling downward. I wouldn’t call it depression, but it was a funk of mildly epic proportion. If you’ve checked out any of my previous blogs you might know how I feel about getting up at some godless hour of the morning and waiting in the cold darkness of pre-dawn Canadian winter for a bus, but still I was considering getting back on the treadmill and getting a regular job. This even though I had no idea of what kind of job I would get.
This went on for awhile until one day while binging I fell asleep and woke up with a collection of all-consuming thoughts about what had guided me to not take the actions towards building my business. It occurred to me that I felt I wasn’t good enough; that I was risk averse and I lacked confidence in my ability to build my brand. If you’d been a fly on the wall you would have seen me having full on conversations out loud with myself questioning whether I could cut it as an entrepreneur.
So sometime after that I had a conversation with an acquaintance of mine who was complaining that while she made a lot of money at her job, she still wasn’t happy. She said her life lacked purpose and her job wasn’t fulfilling. It was in that moment that I began to realize that maybe I was missing the point. That my thoughts were simply thoughts and not my reality.
Finally I decided to have a conversation with my mentor/coach who suggested that I get out of my head immediately. That maybe it wasn’t such a good place to be. She cited my huge shift in attitude and all the accomplishments I had made in the last two years. Pointing out that I was comparing myself to people who were in almost every way coming from a collection of different circumstances and starting points, as do all people in all things. These comparisons were unrealistic and only useful for setting me up to fail.
As I considered my coach’s words a lightbulb went off in my head. I didn’t veer of the traditional track to get rich, no it was because I felt an undeniable need to satisfy my desire to connect with, and get in touch with, my purpose. I am in fact very happy being a coach, and making a difference in people’s lives. And I believe that all the actions I’m taking now will in the future bear an abundance of fruit. It is my faith that’s going to manifest the results as I keep taking the actions one day at a time realizing that I always have to accept where I am at in my journey. Nothing happens before it’s time. Frankly, I’d prefer to have both money and purpose, but if I have to choose between the two I’ll take the latter.
With love,
Fatima Gould
