For me picking up the pieces was the only option. The honeymoon was over, and life was slapping me across the face. My time of carefree leisure had come to at an end. It was time to be responsible for the little ones, and start managing a household as a single parent. Where do I start? I know! Create a list of systems to put in place to make my life easier. The first thing to do, was to to compile several lists:
- budget
- grocery list
- calendar with all appointments
- house cleaning schedule
- picking out work clothes for 6 weeks at a time
- made a schedule for the children’s activities
Oh! Did I forget to shower, eat and sleep? Now, life was running like a well-oiled machine. The routine became so much like breathing that the lists were no longer needed. Everything was under control. See….. I told you I could do it all on my own. Who needs help? I am a great “ lone wolfer”. The only people I needed were the little ones.
The need for structure was such a part of my life, that “living on the edge”, and being “spontaneous” were no longer words in my vocabulary. My God!! When did life get so hard that I could not take time for myself? Feeling like the weight of the world was on my shoulders, I was in a state of overwhelm. The wear and tear of the structures was taking its toll on my health. Where were the helpers that are promised to me? Did they get lost, or was I too busy to ask for help? God only knows what happened.
My cousin recommended counselling. My first thought was “what was a shrink going to do for me?” Then again, what did I have to lose? Well… we had one session where the councilor pointed out that my job was causing my stress and recommended I change my career. Needless to say, I never went back!
Somewhere on my journey I took a wrong turn and saw nothing but fear, doubt, mistrust and living alone for the rest of my life. Now what do I do? I know! I will create a list and this time I added “start dating”. Afterall, I am too cute not to have a partner. I mean that had to be what was missing. I was lonely for, and needed a man in my life. Trust me, that too was NOT the answer. I soon started to ask myself what was the point of the partner if I had to dumb down and not talk about my goals for the future?
Another cousin saw me struggling and gave me some motivational CDs. After three years of letting them sit on my microwave, I finally started playing them. Joyce Meyer’s voice was telling me to get out of my boat and become a water walker. One CD lead to another, then one self help book lead to another. Suddenly, I found myself on a quest of self discovery to figure out where I had gotten lost, who I had become, and where was I going. The movie “The Secret” had the most impact on me, as I watched it about 10 times! I could see my life expanding and shifting. I began to have the desire to get married, own a business, work from home, travel, and have my children move away from home to pursue their post-secondary education. I created a vision board with pictures of a wedding gown, car, home, and a dream vacation.
Sometimes doubt crept in and I asked myself: will this crap work? However, one by one the items on my vision board came into existence. If you asked me what changed, I would tell you that my doubts turned to faith. I began to believe in the universe, the source of life and/or God. I read a lot of inspirational quotes . This created a shift in my way of being. The negative turned into positive. The law of attraction produced what I focused on the most. I soon discovered how powerful the mind is and how it can alter my environment.
I encourage everyone to create a vision board and to write down your goals and dreams. Be sure to include as much detail as possible and watch how your faith will increase.
Note there is hope for anyone, at anytime, and at any age.
With Love,
Fatima Gould
