Sometimes in life when you lose your job, home and a relationship ends we are left at the effects of life’s circumstances.
When the rug was literally pulled out from under my feet and survival mode kicked in, everything was a struggle. I was like a hamster on a wheel just spinning, not knowing when the ride was going to stop. The thing is I had the power to STOP IT. However I let fear, doubt, people pleasing and being surrounded by negative people rob me of joy. One day exhausted, I fell off the wheel. When I looked around I could not find a single person who had something encouraging to say while I was chasing my tail. Where were all the people I made a priority over my well being and sanity? No matter how hard I tried there was always some sort of criticism or laugher and this after I’d given so much of my time, money, and positive energy. What was left of me felt broken and battered. I took some time to consider what to do next and how to get it done. Once the grief and loss set in I gave myself 24 hours to get out of denial over what was happening to me and to stop all the whining voices in my head. There was poor me; the victim, wondering why life was messing with me; angry me, repeatedly going over all the ‘could haves’, ‘should haves’ and the ‘only if I would haves’. Bargaining me, begging God to get me out of this mess and promising Him my obedience. And of course wounded me, who was only interested in quietly licking wounds feeling sad and lonely and watching TV. So I spent the next few hours laying on the couch. Once I got up from the couch it was time to accept this and move on.
Starting from ground zero was a place to create a life of balance. By this time, I had been a self help junky for some time. So, of course I read another book and listen to another CD. Changing my mindset was the thing I craved the most. Positive message from people who promoted higher frequencies of vibration with words of encouragement, mediation and exercise were what I was looking for. I wanted to work on the inside and the outside at the same time.
The positive messages gave me fresh hope and my entire way of being shifted; I had hope in spite of my circumstances. This was my fuel for getting out of bed and taking on life.
With Love,
Fatima Gould
